How does your practice help men?

Question: “How does your practice help men in Utah?”

This is a question I get very often because my research area is on healthy masculinity. I've published articles and have a dissertation on the topic.

It feels almost impossible to answer this question because every man is totally different. Maybe in a way that is the answer. So many people I talk to want to give blanket statements about men as if they are some monolith. There's been so much damage done in the toxic masculinity narrative that too many men digest wholesale.

Men, as all human beings, are complex and flawed across the board. But there are some trends based on how men tend to be socialized, and how that interacts with their physiology. Too many people focus only on the biological or only on the sociological, but it is frankly counterproductive to not acknowledge both.

So in working with men, we hold space for both dispositional, gender differences, such as testosterone and hormonal levels and we also look at the way that boys are socialized emotionally. We avoid the trap of "helping men get in touch with their feminine side" and instead help men to embrace their own humanity.

What does this look like? Well, it's gonna sound disappointing, but it looks like normal therapy. We start with wherever a man is at and look at his own goals and work with that client to help them achieve that goals based on whatever modality is best to do so.

Can we help your boyfriend or husband? Absolutely, if he wants the change. We have found that by using motivational interviewing, cognitive and behavioral approaches, and self disclosure of our own journeys, most men will do the work. Sometimes this includes addiction, recovery, or a men's group, and it always includes the support of community, friends, and possibly a partner.

The ways in which men have been impacted by society are relational so the solution will always be relational. Integrating couples work or group work with individual work is a great way to get movement. But even just with individual therapy with a therapist that will be self disclosing about their own experiences around masculinity, men can get great awareness and move toward fundamental emotional change.

Never believe the lie that men are inherently, incapable emotionally. It's not true scientifically, and it's not true in our practice. Human beings are inherently emotional, and every human being can actually fairly easily access their emotions with the right support. It might take time, but it is almost an inevitability with the right therapist and a willing client.